Sometimes I sit here and wonder what in the world I’m doing. 😂
Seriously.
I work a full-time job. I have a husband, three kids, a house, responsibilities, and about a million things I probably should be doing right now.
And yet, here I am.
Sitting at my computer after spending all day at my computer, trying to build something that might eventually change my life.
Some days I feel like I’m making progress.
Other days I wonder if I’m just collecting hobbies.
But I keep coming back to it.
I Just Wanted Something That Was Mine
When I first started making coloring books, I wasn’t thinking about building some big creative brand.
I wanted to make money.
There. I said it.
Of course, I hoped I’d enjoy what I was doing, but my main goal was to create another source of income. Something outside of my regular paycheck. Something I could build myself that might eventually give me and my family more freedom.
Because here’s the thing.
I’m grateful to have a job that allows me to work from home.
But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life planning everything around a work schedule.
I want to travel without worrying about how much PTO I have left.
I want my husband to be able to retire someday.
I want to wake up and spend my time doing something I actually chose to do.
And I know none of that happens overnight.
So I started small.
With coloring books.
Somewhere Along the Way, Something Changed
Here’s something I didn’t expect when I started all of this.
I actually fell in love with creating.
Don’t get me wrong. I still want to make money. That was the whole point of starting this adventure in the first place, and I’m not going to pretend otherwise.
But I think I accidentally opened up a whole new side of myself.
At first, I was focused on making products. Learning how to create coloring books, figuring out Amazon KDP, and wondering whether anyone would actually buy something I made.
Then I started getting ideas that had absolutely nothing to do with making money.
What if this little town had a bookstore?
What if I could actually see what the streets looked like?
What if I could create music that made it feel like you were sitting inside one of those shops on a rainy afternoon?
And before I knew it, I wasn’t just thinking about what I could sell next.
I was thinking about what I could create next.
That’s a pretty big difference.
I don’t think I realized just how much imagination I had tucked away until I finally gave myself somewhere to put it.
And now it’s like I’ve opened a door I can’t close.
Finding My Voice Along the Way
Something happened last night that I wasn’t really expecting.
I cried.
Not because something terrible happened, but because I started thinking about how much all of this has meant to me.
For so long, I’ve had all these thoughts and ideas bouncing around in my head. Sometimes I know exactly what I want to say, but actually getting those thoughts out in a way that makes sense is another story.
I ramble. I jump from one thought to another. Sometimes what makes perfect sense in my head doesn’t come out the way I intended.
And that can be frustrating.
But lately, through writing, creating, and having tools that help me organize those jumbled thoughts, I’ve started finding my voice.
Not somebody else’s voice.
Mine.
I’m finally able to take what’s going on inside my head and turn it into something I can share.
A blog post. A story. An entire fictional world.
And last night, that realization hit me harder than I expected.
Because I started this journey looking for a way to make money.
I never expected it to help me express a part of myself that I hadn’t really known how to share before.
I’m still learning how to do that.
But for the first time, some of those ideas that used to stay tangled up in my head are finding their way out into the world.
And I can’t really explain how much that means to me.
Apparently, I Can’t Just Have One Idea
Somewhere along the way, I started creating little fictional towns.
First came Ciderleaf Hollow, my cozy mountain town inspired by my love of places like Gatlinburg.
Then Saltwater Cove, because apparently if I can’t pack up and move to Florida tomorrow, I’m going to build my own little coastal town in the meantime.
And then I started thinking about how these places would sound.
Wouldn’t it be nice to sit inside a cozy bookstore while rain tapped against the windows and soft music played in the background?
So naturally, I started a YouTube channel.
Because why not add another project to the list?
Then came making music, learning about distribution, building a website, figuring out Pinterest, and trying to understand approximately a thousand different things about running an online business.
And now?
I’m writing a fantasy novel.
A fantasy novel.
I went from designing coloring pages to developing ancient kingdoms, complicated relationships, family secrets, and dragons.
I don’t even know how to explain that progression.
One minute I’m thinking about whether a coloring book needs another page, and the next I’m trying to figure out why two fictional kingdoms went to war hundreds of years ago.
Meanwhile, there’s probably a basket of laundry somewhere that has been waiting for me since Sunday.
Sometimes I Get Discouraged. Really Discouraged.
I want to talk about something that’s been on my mind, especially after everything that’s happened this week.
I love creating. I really do.
But sometimes I put so much time, energy, and excitement into something, and when I don’t see any profit from it right away, I get discouraged.
And I mean really discouraged.
I start questioning whether I’m spending my time on the right things.
Whether any of this is actually going to work.
Whether I’m just creating more work for myself without getting any closer to the life I want.
And I know what people say.
Be patient. Stay consistent. Trust the process.
All of that sounds wonderful.
But patience has never been a virtue of mine.
It just hasn’t. 😂
When I put my heart into something, I want to see it work. I want to know that all those evenings sitting at my computer are leading somewhere.
And when the numbers aren’t moving, it’s frustrating.
I’m human.
I can be excited about a new idea one day and completely discouraged about my progress the next.
I can celebrate selling a coloring book and then turn around and wonder why I’m not selling more.
I can love making YouTube videos and still feel disappointed when one barely gets any views.
I don’t think that makes me any less passionate about what I’m doing.
I think it means the dream matters to me.
Because I’m not doing all of this just to stay busy.
I’m doing it because I genuinely want my life to change.
I long for the day when I can finally work for myself.
When I don’t have to log in to someone else’s schedule every morning.
When the things I’ve created can support my family.
When I can spend my days writing, designing, creating music, or working on whatever new idea has taken over my brain.
But that time is not now.
And sometimes that’s a hard thing to accept.
Especially when I can picture the life I want so clearly.
The Part Nobody Really Sees
I think when people talk about starting a side hustle, they make it sound a lot more organized than it actually is.
At least, more organized than mine.
I don’t have hours of uninterrupted creative time every day.
I work. I deal with normal life. Sometimes I’m tired. Sometimes my brain has fifteen different ideas fighting for attention, and I can’t decide which one deserves it.
Sometimes I spend an entire evening working on something and have absolutely nothing finished to show for it.
And sometimes I get so excited about a new idea that I forget what I originally sat down to do.
The truth is, I’m not making life-changing money.
I’ve made some book sales. I’ve received my first little KDP payout. My YouTube channel is slowly finding its audience.
Those things might not sound impressive when you compare them to the success stories you see online.
And I’ll admit, sometimes I have a hard time appreciating those little milestones because I’m so focused on where I want to be.
But somebody bought something I created.
Somebody out there chose to spend their money on one of my books.
And somebody else clicked on a video I made and decided to stay awhile.
I created something that didn’t exist before, put it out into the world, and another person found it.
That’s still a pretty incredible feeling.
Even if I occasionally need to remind myself of that.
I’m Learning That I Don’t Have to Do Everything at Once
This is probably one of the hardest lessons for me.
Because when I get an idea, I want to do it.
Immediately.
Not next month. Not when I finish the other twelve projects.
Right now.
But I’m realizing that just because I have an idea doesn’t mean it needs to become a project tonight.
I’ve put some of my coloring book plans on the back burner.
Not because I’ve given up on them, but because I can’t give everything my attention at the same time.
And surprisingly, the books are still selling here and there.
That’s something I’m trying to remind myself of.
I can step away from one project without abandoning it.
I can explore something new without feeling guilty about everything else waiting on my list.
And I can change my mind about what I want to work on.
It’s my dream, after all.
I Still Want the Same Thing
Even though The After Hours Dreamer has grown into something much bigger than I originally imagined, the reason behind it hasn’t really changed.
I still want freedom.
I still want to build something that belongs to me.
I still want to create a life where my husband and I have more time to enjoy the things we’ve worked so hard for.
I want to travel. I want to see places I’ve never been. I want to spend time with my family without constantly thinking about what Monday morning is going to bring.
And I want to prove to myself that I can actually do this.
Not because I have some amazing business background.
Not because I know all the right people.
And definitely not because I have everything figured out.
But because I started.
And I keep starting again, even when things don’t go the way I planned.
I’m not going to pretend that loving the creative process magically makes the financial frustrations disappear.
It doesn’t.
I still check my numbers. I still hope for sales. I still want to see growth.
But I’ve also discovered something I wasn’t expecting when I started.
Even before this business has given me the freedom I’m working toward, it’s given me a creative outlet I didn’t realize I needed.
And I don’t want to lose that part of it while chasing the numbers.
So, What Am I Actually Building?
That’s a good question.
Some days it’s coloring books.
Some days it’s music.
Some days it’s an imaginary coastal town where the sun is setting over the water.
And lately, it’s a fantasy world full of fae, dragons, and characters who have apparently taken up permanent residence in my brain.
But underneath all of it, I think I’m building the same thing I was trying to build from the beginning.
A way to have more choices about how I spend my life.
Maybe none of these projects will turn into what I hope.
Maybe one of them will surprise me.
Maybe five years from now I’ll look back at this post and laugh at how little I knew.
I really hope I get to find out.
And If You’re Building Your Own Way Out…
If you’re reading this because you’re trying to do the same thing, trying to build something of your own so you can eventually escape the corporate rat race, I want to tell you something.
Keep going.
Seriously.
I know how frustrating it is to spend your evenings and weekends working on something when you have no idea whether it’s ever going to pay off.
I know what it’s like to look at your numbers and wish they were bigger.
To wonder whether you’re wasting your time.
To see other people seemingly finding success overnight while you’re still trying to figure out what works.
I’m right there with you.
I haven’t made it out of the rat race yet.
I’m still logging in every morning. Still working my regular job. Still trying to figure out how to turn all these ideas into an actual income.
And some days, I’m just as discouraged as you might be.
But here’s what I’m trying to remind myself.
Just because something isn’t making money today doesn’t automatically mean it never will.
It also doesn’t mean every idea is going to work. Some won’t. Some might need to change. Some might need to be put aside while you figure out what actually moves you forward.
And that’s okay.
Keep learning. Keep experimenting. Keep creating when you can.
Take breaks when you need them.
Celebrate the little wins, even when they seem ridiculously small compared to where you want to be.
And please don’t think you have to have everything figured out before you start.
I certainly didn’t.
I started with coloring books, and now I’m over here creating entire fictional kingdoms and trying to understand dragon politics.
Life is strange. 😂
But if there’s one thing I hope you take away from this post, it’s that you don’t have to be at the finish line for your efforts to matter.
You can be tired.
You can be frustrated.
You can be impatient.
You can have days when you question the whole thing.
And you can still keep going.
Not because success is guaranteed.
But because the life you’re working toward is worth giving yourself a chance to build.
As for me?
I’ll be right here.
Working my regular job during the day.
Building my little worlds after hours.
Getting excited. Getting discouraged. Getting impatient.
And then getting up and trying again.
Because as much as I wish I could fast-forward to the part where I’m finally working for myself, I can’t.
I’m still in the part where I have to build it.
And maybe you are, too.
The day job pays for the dream. Building the dream happens after the 9-to-5.
Until next time,
The After Hours Dreamer 🌙